Facebook, you either love it, or you hate it. As much as mine is a love / hate relationship, one of the things I do really like about Facebook is the way it brings up memories on any given day. It’s nice to look back and see how children grow and things change, or just to simply reminisce on a happy moment in your life. But sometimes the memories are not so nice and bring reminders of a not so pleasant time from the past.
I have a week from 2011 that I can now affectionately call my ‘roller coaster’ week. A time where in the space of just one week, everything in my life as I knew it, changed. I can look back now on this particular week and smile but at the time, for the most part, it was not a good week at all and my Facebook memories this week have been reminding me of that time 9 years ago.
Roller coaster week started with my then 23 year old son flying out to live and work in London, indefinitely. It was a good move for him but heart wrenching for me. He had moved back in with me to help after my ex had left but it was now time for him to spread his wings… And, as much as it broke my mother heart, I knew he needed to leave more than I wanted him to stay. So, I put him on the bus on a cold, grey winter’s morning and then couldn’t drive home because I was bawling my eyes out. I had to sit in my car for about 10 minutes to compose myself before I felt safe enough to drive. Then I arrived home to an empty house, and I lost it all over again. I questioned God on just about everything that morning. Why did this happen? Is my usefulness over? Is this it for me? Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? (I was also questioning my decision to wear mascara at this point!) If you have seen my testimony video, you will recognise this as the moment I described in my kitchen when I cried my heart out to God. If you haven’t seen the video, and would like to, you can check it out here https://redeemed.net.au/Vikki%201080P%2026%20Nov.mp4
The second twist and turn in roller coaster week came a couple of days later, when I received my final divorce papers in the mail. And although I was well and truly on the road to recovery, this piece of paper still evoked the memory of the pain and rejection and had me once again momentarily questioning my worth and value. But I also knew that this meant the start of the new beginnings I had been waiting for… it meant I could finally let out the breath I had been subconsciously holding and really embrace my future… Whatever that looked like. God already knew then, what I was just about to find out…
And then…. The third and final twist in roller coaster week. Only this time it didn’t make my stomach churn… it put a smile on my face, a song back in my heart and made my stomach do flip flops for all the right reasons. You see at the end of roller coaster week 2011, I was invited out for coffee by a guy I had been corresponding with via messenger and email. This guy was on his own journey from the betrayal of infidelity and divorce and we had connected through Facebook messenger a few months earlier because of our similar experiences. We were in the same church and were Facebook friends, although to this day I have no idea how that happened!
Yes, ‘that guy’ was James. And that coffee lasted for 2 hours and only ended when the café closed and they kicked us out. Although we didn’t know it at the time, that was the beginning of our life together. Ours is a beautiful story of redemption, God’s Grace and second chances…
I guess the point of all this is that God knows our end from our beginning and even when there is an unexpected bump in the road, He is in control and will work everything for good. We are not responsible for other people’s choices. I honestly thought I was washed up when my ex had his affair. He blamed me, for so many reasons… in hindsight all of them speaking more about his character than mine, but I still needed to do the work and to submit to the growth that was needed in me before I could move on. And then, when I was ready, along came James. God knew we would be perfect together despite the fact that as individuals we are so very different.
I think life will always be a roller coaster…. And I really don’t like roller coasters, I much prefer the slow pace of a merry go round. But praise God, He is there in the ups and He is there in the downs. He will catch us when we fall and He will take us to heights we never even imagined… if we let Him.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose… Romans 8:28