It was a Saturday afternoon, and we had attended the wedding of some beautiful friends celebrating with them in the goodness of God and redemption in their lives. By Sunday morning we were in the Emergency Department of our local hospital with James writhing in excruciating abdominal pain… Less than twelve hours for everything to go from celebration and joy to “what the heck is wrong with my husband?!”
It was the worst thing I have ever seen, seeing him in so much pain that it caused him to sweat and want to vomit, feeling helpless in being able to make him feel better and make his pain go away. Thank God for the invention of intravenous pain killers! Within a short amount of time the pain had eased enough for the medical staff to begin the tests that would tell us what was causing him so much agony. Blood and urine tests plus a CT scan showed the culprit, a 4mm kidney stone. You would say that 4mm is not that big… until it must pass through a tiny tube to be expelled. Seven weeks passed until the stone made its way out of his body. Seven weeks of pain and discomfort. Seven weeks of frustration and uncertainty. Seven weeks when we had no other choice but to believe that God was in control of this situation. Seven seemingly unending weeks.
As He usually does these days, the Holy Spirit spoke to me during our time in the hospital while I was watching helplessly as my man was suffering in pain like I had never seen anyone suffer in pain before. For someone who usually likes to be in control of a situation this was unfamiliar and unpleasant territory for both of us. But isn’t that when God works best?
The Holy Spirit spoke to me about sin, about how little things that would appear inconsequential can cause so much pain and how they stay hidden for only so long before they must be brought into the open.
What did I learn from this experience?
I learned that something tiny and seemingly insignificant can cause an enormous amount of pain. Just because it is hidden does not mean its impact is any less. In any small moment in time, we can utter a harsh word, gossip, reject, ignore, belittle, criticize… the list could go on. All these things to our world would seem harmless. “Toughen up” people would say. “You’re too sensitive”.
We will be called to give an account. We may think we can keep our sin hidden but we can’t, not for long anyway. We can try but ultimately it will be revealed and brought to account. We must keep short accounts with God and with man. The suddenness and severity of James’ pain was a wakeup call. At one stage I honestly began contemplating life if something were to happen, and he was no longer here. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. ~ Hebrews 4:13
But the good news is in the following verses 14-16 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
James’ kidney stone was small, and it was hidden but that did not stop it from being incredibly painful. He could cover it up and numb it with pain killers, but it was still there. The pain didn’t go away until the kidney stone was expelled from his body. The pain of sin does not go away until we deal with it either. We can try and numb the pain with drugs, excessive alcohol and unhealthy habits or relationships but until we give it completely to God through Jesus to heal and restore, the pain will always be there. Just as James’ kidney stone had to go through the process of working its way out of his body, we must go through the process of God working in us to remove the sin and hidden baggage we have been carrying around.
For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. ~ Luke 8:17