And friends are friends forever
If the Lord’s the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
‘Cause the welcome will not end
Though it’s hard to let you
go
In the Father’s hands we know
That a lifetime’s not too long
To live as friends… Michael
W Smith.
I am a big Michael W Smith fan…. And this is one of my favourite songs. But as I have gotten older, I’ve sadly learned that the words in this song are not always true.
Friendships don’t always last forever… We grow, we change, we move away…. And even if the Lord is Lord of both of you… your friendship may not grow, change, or move with you. And, as hard as that is to accept sometimes… it is one of the realities of life.
As I look back and reflect on certain times in my life, I can now recognise that people I thought would be forever friends were in reality, seasonal friends. People sent by God to give me the support I needed for a specific time in my life. But being seasonal does not diminish the place they had in my life, or the place they will always hold in my heart. I’m sure I would never have gotten through some of the most difficult times in my life without these seasonal friends… My own Aaron’s and Hur’s… who would lift my hands when I didn’t have the strength to lift them myself. People who walked with me through some of my darkest valleys… but then for whatever reason, were no longer there when I got to the other side.
There are many reasons why friendships don’t last forever. Of course, there are the natural ebbs and flows, where people come and go, and we just simply drift apart. But then there are the sad moments where a friendship ends because of a misunderstanding or an offence, or the tragic moments where a friendship ends because of a betrayal. How do you move beyond that?
My grandmother used to have a saying “love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe”. I have to say I don’t necessarily agree with her. Friendships, and indeed any relationship have to be based on trust. Without trust you have no solid foundation on which to build. But the unfortunate truth is that sometimes friends will let us down and we must let them go from our lives. And it hurts. We invest so much into our friendships and if you are anything like me the pain of not having your loyalty and trust reciprocated runs deep. But, let me say we also need to understand that letting people go from our lives is not to be confused with unforgiveness. It is perfectly ok to forgive someone but still not let them back into your life… it’s called wisdom.
I feel incredibly blessed with the people God has chosen to bring into my life. Yes, I’ve been hurt, I’ve been betrayed and I have been ‘let go’ from friendships… but I have also known the joy of laughing together until your stomach hurts, the intimacy of sharing another’s burden and crying ugly tears until you have nothing left and the wonderful feeling when you find a kindred spirit who knows what you’re thinking with just a look, who knows what you’re going to say before the words come out of your mouth and who will defend you, no matter the cost.
Friendships, whether seasonal or lifelong, are truly a gift from God and should be cherished and protected with everything we have.
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24