My mother-in-law passed away at the end of 2021.
I never knew her. I mean, I knew who she was, but I never knew her.
My mother-in-law had dementia and by the time I came on the scene after James’ first marriage had ended, the damage to her cognition was already evident. She never had a clue who I was. In fact, the first time I met her she asked me where I lived. When I told her she replied with “Oh, James and (ex wife) live there.” And to rub salt into the wound, she still had their wedding photo on display in the living room. Not the best start to meeting the prospective in-laws!
“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”
How many of us think about what we’re promising when we get married? I mean, really think about it. I’m sure most of us if we’re honest wouldn’t really be contemplating the worst-case scenario where we would ever have to put these words into action. Our wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives. We don’t want to spoil it by giving thought to inconceivable ‘what if’s’.
But what happens when the ‘what if’s’ get called into account? When the bubble bursts and you’re faced with the stark reality of your promise?
My father-in-law cared for my mother-in-law in their home until two weeks before she died. And even then, she only went into hospital for an unrelated event. For over a decade he cared for her at home as her health got progressively worse. My father-in-law took his marriage vows seriously. She passed away just days after their 58th wedding anniversary. His diligence in caring for his wife, the tenderness in the way he treated her, the sacrifices he had to make, the toll it took on his own body. This is what unconditional love looks like.
Not giving up and walking away because things got hard. Selflessly sacrificing his comfortable life when it would have been so much easier to put her in care. This is what true love in action looks like.
This is what until death do us part looks like.
I don’t say it lightly when I say my father-in-law is a hero.
He would scoff at that. You will never meet a more unassuming and humble man.
I’m sad I never got the chance to know my mother-in-law. I would have loved the opportunity to have had a relationship with her. The eulogies shared at her funeral spoke of a warm, loving, smart and funny woman who clearly was the centre of her husband and sons’ worlds.
Because she had a faith, we take comfort in the fact that she is now with Jesus. She is free from her pain, and we will see her again. I look forward to introducing myself properly!
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. Revelation 21:4