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And friends are friends forever
If the Lord’s the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
‘Cause the welcome will not end

Though it’s hard to let you go
In the Father’s hands we know
That a lifetime’s not too long
To live as friends… Michael W Smith.

I am a big Michael W Smith fan…. And this is one of my favourite songs. But as I have gotten older, I’ve sadly learned that the words in this song are not always true.

Friendships don’t always last forever… We grow, we change, we move away…. And even if the Lord is Lord of both of you… your friendship may not grow, change, or move with you.  And, as hard as that is to accept sometimes… it is one of the realities of life.

As I look back and reflect on certain times in my life, I can now recognise that people I thought would be forever friends were in reality, seasonal friends. People sent by God to give me the support I needed for a specific time in my life. But being seasonal does not diminish the place they had in my life, or the place they will always hold in my heart. I’m sure I would never have gotten through some of the most difficult times in my life without these seasonal friends… My own Aaron’s and Hur’s… who would lift my hands when I didn’t have the strength to lift them myself. People who walked with me through some of my darkest valleys… but then for whatever reason, were no longer there when I got to the other side.

There are many reasons why friendships don’t last forever. Of course, there are the natural ebbs and flows, where people come and go, and we just simply drift apart. But then there are the sad moments where a friendship ends because of a misunderstanding or an offence, or the tragic moments where a friendship ends because of a betrayal. How do you move beyond that?

My grandmother used to have a saying “love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe”. I have to say I don’t necessarily agree with her. Friendships, and indeed any relationship have to be based on trust. Without trust you have no solid foundation on which to build. But the unfortunate truth is that sometimes friends will let us down and we must let them go from our lives. And it hurts. We invest so much into our friendships and if you are anything like me the pain of not having your loyalty and trust reciprocated runs deep. But, let me say we also need to understand that letting people go from our lives is not to be confused with unforgiveness. It is perfectly ok to forgive someone but still not let them back into your life… it’s called wisdom.

I feel incredibly blessed with the people God has chosen to bring into my life. Yes, I’ve been hurt, I’ve been betrayed and I have been ‘let go’ from friendships… but I have also known the joy of laughing together until your stomach hurts, the intimacy of sharing another’s burden and crying ugly tears until you have nothing left and the wonderful feeling when you find a kindred spirit who knows what you’re thinking with just a look, who knows what you’re going to say before the words come out of your mouth and who will defend you, no matter the cost.

Friendships, whether seasonal or lifelong, are truly a gift from God and should be cherished and protected with everything we have.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

James and I recently had a weekend away in the snowy mountains. It has been a crazy start to the year and I was so looking forward to a relaxing weekend of doing not much. We arrived after dark on Friday night, excited with the anticipation of the warm, cosy chalet that awaited us… but the reality that greeted us was far from what I was expecting.

When we arrived, we turned the heater on to warm the house while we unpacked the car, but it very quickly became apparent that it was getting colder with the dark of night, not warmer! After an hour or so of trying to get the heater to work, we decided to call reception to alert them to the issue. Their first response was that it must have been something we had done as the maintenance man had been there in the afternoon to turn the heating on and make sure it was working… which it apparently was earlier in the day but by the time we got there it had switched off.

The resort management were lovely, they brought us extra heaters to get us through the night and assured us they would get someone out to look at the heater the next day. So, with the extra heaters on and the fire we had also lit, our little chalet finally started to warm up and we could relax and enjoy our evening.

Saturday morning was beautiful… cozy and warm inside, frosty and cold outside. We went for a walk and had literally just sat down for brunch when we got a phone call saying that the repair man was on his way and we had to vacate the premises asap (due to Coronavirus social distance rules we couldn’t be in the house at the same time) … ok, fine… but can we at least eat our bacon and egg rolls first?!

Throughout this experience, the Holy Spirit kept saying to me, over and over again whenever I felt myself getting agitated at the inconvenience…. Keep your spirit soft… keep your attitude sweet. And that’s what I did. Yes, it was annoying, but I didn’t get angry… we just let them do what they needed to do.

And, after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing with the maintenance guys, the problem was found.

It turned out that the pilot light that ignites the heater wasn’t working… And, because it hadn’t been used for so long, when it was switched back on it didn’t ignite properly.

As with any appliance, for a pilot light to work effectively it has to be properly maintained… and used! Often pilot lights will be extinguished over the warmer months to save gas and then turned back on to ignite the heating for the colder months but, as was the case with ours, sometimes the disuse causes them to become blocked or unable to be ignited again.

Who can relate to this? I certainly can!

The Holy Spirit is our ‘pilot light’. It is He who keeps us from becoming cold and it is He who works through us to bring light and warmth to those around us. And, if we stifle Him or let Him go out, we are ineffective.

There have been many times in my life when I have let my pilot light go out. Life has become difficult, or too busy, and I forget to spend time in the Word and in prayer, talking and communing with my Heavenly Father to hear what He has to say. I get disappointed or let down by a friend or loved one, I get discouraged by a poorly thought out negative word, my needs don’t get met and at times I have just simply given up, trying to find the closest corner where I can just curl up and hide.

But, I wasn’t put here to curl up and hide… and I’ve discovered on so many occasions that it is impossible to hide from God! He pursues me with His relentless love, calling me back and comforting me…. Reigniting my passion for Him, and His purpose for my life.

So, back to my experience with our weekend away. There is a choice to be made with our attitudes when things don’t always go as we planned. I could have so easily been outraged, complained bitterly to the resort manager and become offended when they tried to blame us but what would that have achieved? Nothing. It was Friday night and everything was closed so there was literally nothing more that she could have done at the time. And if I had become angry and upset, it would have spoiled mine and James’ time together as well.

 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me”. Psalm 51:10

The pilot light wasn’t fixed that weekend… it needed a new bit that had to be ordered in but it was still a beautiful weekend away… we had all the heaters we needed, we had stunning scenery to enjoy, we had quality time with each other…. And the resort gave us a free dinner for being so patient and understanding of the situation!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 

Facebook, you either love it, or you hate it. As much as mine is a love / hate relationship, one of the things I do really like about Facebook is the way it brings up memories on any given day. It’s nice to look back and see how children grow and things change, or just to simply reminisce on a happy moment in your life. But sometimes the memories are not so nice and bring reminders of a not so pleasant time from the past.

I have a week from 2011 that I can now affectionately call my ‘roller coaster’ week. A time where in the space of just one week, everything in my life as I knew it, changed. I can look back now on this particular week and smile but at the time, for the most part, it was not a good week at all and my Facebook memories this week have been reminding me of that time 9 years ago.

Roller coaster week started with my then 23 year old son flying out to live and work in London, indefinitely. It was a good move for him but heart wrenching for me. He had moved back in with me to help after my ex had left but it was now time for him to spread his wings… And, as much as it broke my mother heart, I knew he needed to leave more than I wanted him to stay. So, I put him on the bus on a cold, grey winter’s morning and then couldn’t drive home because I was bawling my eyes out. I had to sit in my car for about 10 minutes to compose myself before I felt safe enough to drive. Then I arrived home to an empty house, and I lost it all over again. I questioned God on just about everything that morning. Why did this happen? Is my usefulness over? Is this it for me? Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? (I was also questioning my decision to wear mascara at this point!) If you have seen my testimony video, you will recognise this as the moment I described in my kitchen when I cried my heart out to God. If you haven’t seen the video, and would like to, you can check it out here https://redeemed.net.au/Vikki%201080P%2026%20Nov.mp4

The second twist and turn in roller coaster week came a couple of days later, when I received my final divorce papers in the mail. And although I was well and truly on the road to recovery, this piece of paper still evoked the memory of the pain and rejection and had me once again momentarily questioning my worth and value. But I also knew that this meant the start of the new beginnings I had been waiting for… it meant I could finally let out the breath I had been subconsciously holding and really embrace my future… Whatever that looked like. God already knew then, what I was just about to find out…

And then…. The third and final twist in roller coaster week. Only this time it didn’t make my stomach churn… it put a smile on my face, a song back in my heart and made my stomach do flip flops for all the right reasons. You see at the end of roller coaster week 2011, I was invited out for coffee by a guy I had been corresponding with via messenger and email. This guy was on his own journey from the betrayal of infidelity and divorce and we had connected through Facebook messenger a few months earlier because of our similar experiences. We were in the same church and were Facebook friends, although to this day I have no idea how that happened!

Yes, ‘that guy’ was James. And that coffee lasted for 2 hours and only ended when the café closed and they kicked us out. Although we didn’t know it at the time, that was the beginning of our life together. Ours is a beautiful story of redemption, God’s Grace and second chances…

I guess the point of all this is that God knows our end from our beginning and even when there is an unexpected bump in the road, He is in control and will work everything for good. We are not responsible for other people’s choices. I honestly thought I was washed up when my ex had his affair. He blamed me, for so many reasons… in hindsight all of them speaking more about his character than mine, but I still needed to do the work and to submit to the growth that was needed in me before I could move on. And then, when I was ready, along came James. God knew we would be perfect together despite the fact that as individuals we are so very different.

I think life will always be a roller coaster…. And I really don’t like roller coasters, I much prefer the slow pace of a merry go round. But praise God, He is there in the ups and He is there in the downs. He will catch us when we fall and He will take us to heights we never even imagined… if we let Him.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose… Romans 8:28

Many of you would know that James and I have recently added a fur baby to our family. She is a six month old Golden Retriever named Holly. We’ve had her since she was eight weeks old and she is adorable… most of the time!

As all puppies do, Holly loves to chew things. She has a bucket full of chew toys that you would think would keep her satisfied.

Unfortunately not.

The other day I found her happily chewing on my prescription sunglasses. As I approached her, she very sheepishly dropped the mangled frames onto the floor where the lenses also lay in several pieces. She knew she had done something really bad because normally when she has got something she’s not supposed to have, she makes a game and runs away with it forcing you to chase her to retrieve it. But not this time. This time she just looked at me with those brown puppy dog eyes as if to say “sorry mum”. As I bent down to pick up the pieces, it dawned on me that I wasn’t mad at her… but I was disappointed that she had demolished my glasses!

My love for Holly and my understanding that she is just a puppy, doing what puppies do, overlooked the fact that she had just eaten a $100 pair of prescription sunglasses… Although, I was upset, and fortunately for her I had kept a previous pair that I am able to wear while I wait to get new ones.

Holly has lots and lots of toys, but she still ate my glasses. Why? Because I left them within her reach, and the temptation obviously proved too hard to resist.

We must protect what is ours. I was careless about where I left my sunglasses. I actually don’t even remember where I left them but they were obviously not put away properly. This is the same in life for us. We need to defend ourselves and our relationships from temptation. We must always be on our guard against becoming complacent. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) As I found out the hard way with my sunglasses, it only takes a minute to be careless and have something of value completely destroyed.

If it’s not yours – leave it alone! “You must not covet your neighbour’s house. You must not covet your neighbour’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbour.” (Exodus 20:17) Now of course Holly is a puppy and does not understand this but in real life, this is one of God’s original commandments and should not be taken lightly. Being on the wrong side of an adulterous affair is never a good place to be. And, often the people who have done the ‘coveting’ soon find out that the grass wasn’t that green on the other side after all.

And finally, this made me think about how God might feel when we do something wrong. Does He get mad? Or is He just disappointed in us? And, how should we respond when someone else does something to us? Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” (Matthew 18:21-22) Jesus himself set the example for us. I believe that when Jesus died on the cross, He took away the wrath and anger of God that we deserved, but I do think we can still disappoint God with our choices. He is our Father and just wants the best for us. Forgiveness is not a choice; it is a command. “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15)

It was easy for me to forgive Holly because she’s cute and I love her. But what about the people in our lives who are not so cute and lovable… There is no difference. We are still commanded to forgive. But that doesn’t mean letting your guard down. You and your relationships still need to be protected against toxicity… You still need to make wise choices… and don’t eat other people’s sunglasses!

One of the things I love to do in my spare time is kayak. The city I live in is blessed with many waterways and lakes which makes this an easily accessible, and very enjoyable pastime.

Often when I’m out in the middle of the lake, I like to stop and drift for a while. It is so beautiful and peaceful on the water and it is a lovely place to pause and reflect. When I’m doing this, I like to watch the droplets of water fall from the edge of my paddle blade and down into the water, creating an outward circle of ripples.

At other times when I’m drifting, another paddler, or a power boat will go past some distance away and after a minute or so my kayak will start rocking with the waves created by the other boat.

While these are both ripple effects, they couldn’t be more different.

From one the effect is relatively minor, whereas the other has the potential to cause an unwanted outcome of me being rocked out of my kayak with the other person blissfully unaware of the disruption to my peacefulness they have caused.

How true is this in life?

We create ripple effects every time we say or do something. Whether we are aware of it or not, our words and actions create an impact that will continue and could be positive, relatively harmless or could cause great harm.

The ripple effect of our past has the potential to go either way…. A gentle ripple that turns into something beautiful; or a harsh wave of ugliness and destruction that upturns everything in its path.

For me, the potential for ugliness was very real for many years. I was insecure. I was bitter. I was confused. I was angry. I had become a victim of my circumstance and I was turning into the type of person I was desperately trying to avoid.

But then. God.

God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy picked me up and turned me upside down. With the help of His refining fire I started to become the person He had created me to be. My ripple effect became soft and gentle and my mess became my message.

I had resisted the call of God on my life for more years than I am happy to admit. I was afraid. I feared what people would think. But then I realised, this is not about what others think. This is about that one step, the one drop that creates the ripple. This is about being obedient to the call of God. This is about people being set free through the power of the Holy Spirit.

We have all seen in recent weeks just how quickly something can spread. Whatever you are giving off, good or bad, is infectious to those around you. The definition of a ripple effect according to a Google search is “the continuing and spreading results of an event or action.” We all have the ability to create a ripple effect with our lives and our stories.

What is God asking you to do to create a ripple effect for His glory that will continue to spread, ever outward, for days, months or even years to come?

I’m not normally a shoe person but I love white sneakers (and boots… I love boots… but I digress, today I’m not talking about boots, I’m talking about sneakers… Focus!!). I have several pairs of white sneakers and I wear them a lot, but some days I can’t wear my sneakers because I don’t have a clean pair.

And that’s the trouble with white sneakers… they get dirty very quickly. I can put a clean white pair of sneakers on in the morning and by the afternoon they have all manner of dirt and marks on them… no matter how careful I have been to keep them clean. I have tried lots of ways to clean my sneakers. I’ve washed them in the washing machine, and I’ve tried painting them with white shoe paint but even though they seem clean at first, as they dry the marks re-appear and they look dirty again.

While I have ways of making my sneakers look white again, nothing I do will make them look like they were when they were new. So, I’ve discovered the only way to get clean, white sneakers again is to buy a new pair, which depending on what brand you buy, can be quite expensive!

Hymn writer Robert Lowry wrote in 1876

“What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. Oh, precious is the flow that makes me white as snow, no other fount I know. Nothing but the blood of Jesus”

Most days, I am exactly like my sneakers. I start off in the morning clean and fresh but as the day goes on, stuff happens, and I get scuffed and dirty. A harsh word, a disappointment, an inconvenience… and before I know it, my thoughts, words and actions don’t line up as they should. Good intentions are great, but we need to make the effort to stay ‘clean’. Just as I would avoid jumping in a muddy puddle with my clean sneakers, we should be trying to avoid the dirt of sin in our daily lives. It only takes a second for the mud to stick… or a moment to be ruined.

Just as I can’t get my sneakers as clean as new by covering up the stains, we can’t erase our sin by trying to cover it up. Romans 3:23-24 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus”. The only way we can be made new is by receiving and accepting Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

When I need to buy new shoes, I go to the cheaper shops, I don’t buy big name brands because I don’t like to pay more than I have to. But God thought we were worth so much that He paid the ultimate price for us…. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life…”

My sneakers will always look dirty, no matter how hard I try to clean them and likewise we will always have the stain of sin in our lives unless we accept the gift of forgiveness and salvation that is offered to us when we accept Jesus as our Saviour. It is ours for free and is freely available to us… but it cost Him everything. He died so that we could live.

How will you allow Him to ‘wash you clean’ today?

“Look at this photograph, every time I do it makes me laugh…” – Nickelback

Those of you who know me well or have been following my journey for any length of time will know that James and I have spent the best part of the past 8 years renovating our house. You will also know that I had two previous marriages before I met James… the first as a pregnant teenager, the second as an insecure young mum looking for someone to love me and my kids.

This week I have been clearing out some boxes…. Boxes that have been untouched as we renovated around them for over seven years… boxes of old photo albums. We are finally making a start on clearing out the garage space… and who knows, I might even get my car in there one day! While I have been sorting through old photos, this song by Nickelback has been playing in my head…

I have to say, not all the photos I have come across made me laugh. Some have raised a smile at a memory of a happier time. But some of the photos I found made me feel physically sick. Looking at photos of my ex husband with the knowledge I now have of the abuse one of my children suffered at his hand makes me equal parts heartbroken and furious. I trusted this individual with helping me raise my children, but I have since found out that he was physically abusive at times when I wasn’t at home. Words cannot describe the sense of betrayal I feel, for myself and for my child… I feel like I failed as a mother for not protecting them better. And, I grieve for the lost innocence for both of us. Even worse was I knew what my ex was capable of as I had seen and experienced it firsthand, but I stayed with him and the guilt of being too scared to leave and unwittingly putting my children at risk has at times been overwhelming.

The process of forgiveness can be long, and it’s at times like these when you think you’ve walked through the valley that something rears up to slap you in the face and you have to start the whole process again.

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”

Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”

I need to allow myself to be comforted by my Heavenly Father. To come to terms with the fact that what my ex did was not my fault… to forgive myself, and him…. and to close the door on the guilt and gut-wrenching grief I carry for not being strong enough to fight for the wellbeing of myself and my children.

I have to forgive; I don’t have a choice. My bible tells me over and again that I must forgive. But more than that… I need to forgive…. I choose to forgive. If not for my ex… for me. Initially this forgiveness can be given through gritted teeth and only possible with the help of the Holy Spirit, but eventually it becomes more natural as you discover the freedom of moving on without the endless “what if’s”.

The wound can still be raw but with God’s grace it will heal over and will ultimately become a distant memory.

“Every memory of lookin’ out the back door, I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor. It’s hard to say it, Time to say it… Goodbye, goodbye…”

I was given some apricots recently, fresh from the tree. The only problem was, they weren’t ripe yet so couldn’t be eaten. I put them in a bowl to ripen and went away for the weekend, only to discover when I got home that because it had been so hot, they were now overripe and some of them had started to spoil. What was interesting though was that the spoiled ones had started to affect the still ok ones around them. Any fruit that touched the spoiled fruit quickly became spoiled itself.

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months… years?  Where everything is permeated by the ‘rotten fruit’ in your life? I have, and it’s not pleasant…

How true is this in life? How often do we let the ‘spoiled fruit’ contaminate our thoughts, words, attitudes and actions? Did you know that you can make or break the atmosphere around you just by your mood? I have, on more occasions than I care to remember, seen the looks of disappointment and hurt on the faces of people I love because I have chosen to show my ‘rotten fruit’. I have not been guided by the fruit of the Spirit and have instead shown the opposite characteristics.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23  

It’s also unfortunately true that misery loves company, and the reaction to negativity is usually more of the same. You can be so full of joy and happiness one minute but come crashing down the next with just one negative word from someone. Like my apricots, where the good apricots couldn’t make the spoiled apricots better but were instead impacted by the rotting apricots, our words and actions can negatively impact those around us all too easily.

A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Matthew 7:18

It is so important to be careful with our words, thoughts and actions. The bible tells us in Matthew 7:16-20 that we will be known by our fruit. Social media and other platforms will entice us with ‘feel good’ lifestyles which are contrary to the characteristics listed in Galatians. I don’t know about you, but I have lived the inward focussed lifestyle according to the world, and I would much rather live the outward focussed lifestyle according to the Word… it is safer, it is healthier and it benefits everyone around me, not just myself.

It’s not the easiest way sometimes. Showing love when you’re angry, showing patience when you’re frustrated, showing self-control when you’re tempted and showing kindness and goodness when somebody does you wrong… these are incredibly difficult things to do (for me anyway!) but we have been called to a higher standard and this is the fruit we should be aiming to be in the lives of those around us, not the rotting and spoiled fruit that damages everything it comes into contact with…

How is your fruit bowl looking today?

We recently spent a few days in the mountains, about two hours drive from our home, for some much needed down time after an incredibly busy year. As we were driving to our destination, the sun was setting and, not being one to miss a photo opportunity, I was taking pictures through the windscreen (from the passenger seat 😊)

It wasn’t until I was looking through the photos on my phone later that I realised what I had captured in this particular picture…. I had been taking a photo of the sun setting through the clouds but what struck me more when I looked at it, was the road; curving and leading to an unseen destination. We had programmed the GPS to guide us so we knew we were going in the right direction, but at that precise moment in time, we could have been in the middle of nowhere!

I love the imagery in this photo…. The curve in the road, the mountains in the distance, the valley just ahead… and above it all, the sun still shining brightly through the clouds. When I looked at this picture, (which was completely unintentional) I was struck by just how perfectly it sums up the different facets of life…. The road ahead isn’t always clear where it is going… sometimes it leads to mountaintops, sometimes it leads us through deep valleys… but if we have faith, we can be confident that the sun will shine through, no matter how bleak our circumstances may be.

As we close the door on 2019 today, I am so grateful for all that God has done in my life this year. The road ahead has not always been clear and there have been some setbacks, but I have been obedient to the call and have taken several huge leaps of faith in sharing my story to bring this blog to fruition. I pray that it will continue to grow in the coming year to help others on their own journeys to forgiveness and healing.

Until recently I hadn’t thought about the fact that this is the beginning of a new decade. As I reflect back ten years to New Years Eve in 2009, I find it hard to even recognise the person I was then compared to the woman I am today. If someone had told me in 2009 what my life would look like in 2019, I probably would have laughed at them, such is the contrast. But, I shouldn’t be the same person I was ten years ago… and neither should you. We should all be continually striving to grow and become the people God created us to be. Life is rarely straight forward and we must navigate the curves in the road with the help of our guide – the Holy Spirit.

On this last day of the year 2019, whether your road was curved or straight, I hope that you can look back on your year and find something good in it, I pray that in 2020 God will give you the desires of your heart, and I pray that you will step further into what God is calling you to do, that you will find the boldness and courage to step out of your comfort zone and become all that you are meant to be.

Thank you to each of you for supporting my baby steps this year, I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I look forward with anticipation and hope that God will achieve all He wants to, in us and through us. And I look forward to interacting more in 2020…  for us all to share the goodness of God in all our lives to encourage and support each other.

God Bless you… and Happy New Year!!