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“Look at this photograph, every time I do it makes me laugh…” – Nickelback

Those of you who know me well or have been following my journey for any length of time will know that James and I have spent the best part of the past 8 years renovating our house. You will also know that I had two previous marriages before I met James… the first as a pregnant teenager, the second as an insecure young mum looking for someone to love me and my kids.

This week I have been clearing out some boxes…. Boxes that have been untouched as we renovated around them for over seven years… boxes of old photo albums. We are finally making a start on clearing out the garage space… and who knows, I might even get my car in there one day! While I have been sorting through old photos, this song by Nickelback has been playing in my head…

I have to say, not all the photos I have come across made me laugh. Some have raised a smile at a memory of a happier time. But some of the photos I found made me feel physically sick. Looking at photos of my ex husband with the knowledge I now have of the abuse one of my children suffered at his hand makes me equal parts heartbroken and furious. I trusted this individual with helping me raise my children, but I have since found out that he was physically abusive at times when I wasn’t at home. Words cannot describe the sense of betrayal I feel, for myself and for my child… I feel like I failed as a mother for not protecting them better. And, I grieve for the lost innocence for both of us. Even worse was I knew what my ex was capable of as I had seen and experienced it firsthand, but I stayed with him and the guilt of being too scared to leave and unwittingly putting my children at risk has at times been overwhelming.

The process of forgiveness can be long, and it’s at times like these when you think you’ve walked through the valley that something rears up to slap you in the face and you have to start the whole process again.

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”

Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”

I need to allow myself to be comforted by my Heavenly Father. To come to terms with the fact that what my ex did was not my fault… to forgive myself, and him…. and to close the door on the guilt and gut-wrenching grief I carry for not being strong enough to fight for the wellbeing of myself and my children.

I have to forgive; I don’t have a choice. My bible tells me over and again that I must forgive. But more than that… I need to forgive…. I choose to forgive. If not for my ex… for me. Initially this forgiveness can be given through gritted teeth and only possible with the help of the Holy Spirit, but eventually it becomes more natural as you discover the freedom of moving on without the endless “what if’s”.

The wound can still be raw but with God’s grace it will heal over and will ultimately become a distant memory.

“Every memory of lookin’ out the back door, I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor. It’s hard to say it, Time to say it… Goodbye, goodbye…”

I was given some apricots recently, fresh from the tree. The only problem was, they weren’t ripe yet so couldn’t be eaten. I put them in a bowl to ripen and went away for the weekend, only to discover when I got home that because it had been so hot, they were now overripe and some of them had started to spoil. What was interesting though was that the spoiled ones had started to affect the still ok ones around them. Any fruit that touched the spoiled fruit quickly became spoiled itself.

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months… years?  Where everything is permeated by the ‘rotten fruit’ in your life? I have, and it’s not pleasant…

How true is this in life? How often do we let the ‘spoiled fruit’ contaminate our thoughts, words, attitudes and actions? Did you know that you can make or break the atmosphere around you just by your mood? I have, on more occasions than I care to remember, seen the looks of disappointment and hurt on the faces of people I love because I have chosen to show my ‘rotten fruit’. I have not been guided by the fruit of the Spirit and have instead shown the opposite characteristics.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23  

It’s also unfortunately true that misery loves company, and the reaction to negativity is usually more of the same. You can be so full of joy and happiness one minute but come crashing down the next with just one negative word from someone. Like my apricots, where the good apricots couldn’t make the spoiled apricots better but were instead impacted by the rotting apricots, our words and actions can negatively impact those around us all too easily.

A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Matthew 7:18

It is so important to be careful with our words, thoughts and actions. The bible tells us in Matthew 7:16-20 that we will be known by our fruit. Social media and other platforms will entice us with ‘feel good’ lifestyles which are contrary to the characteristics listed in Galatians. I don’t know about you, but I have lived the inward focussed lifestyle according to the world, and I would much rather live the outward focussed lifestyle according to the Word… it is safer, it is healthier and it benefits everyone around me, not just myself.

It’s not the easiest way sometimes. Showing love when you’re angry, showing patience when you’re frustrated, showing self-control when you’re tempted and showing kindness and goodness when somebody does you wrong… these are incredibly difficult things to do (for me anyway!) but we have been called to a higher standard and this is the fruit we should be aiming to be in the lives of those around us, not the rotting and spoiled fruit that damages everything it comes into contact with…

How is your fruit bowl looking today?

We recently spent a few days in the mountains, about two hours drive from our home, for some much needed down time after an incredibly busy year. As we were driving to our destination, the sun was setting and, not being one to miss a photo opportunity, I was taking pictures through the windscreen (from the passenger seat 😊)

It wasn’t until I was looking through the photos on my phone later that I realised what I had captured in this particular picture…. I had been taking a photo of the sun setting through the clouds but what struck me more when I looked at it, was the road; curving and leading to an unseen destination. We had programmed the GPS to guide us so we knew we were going in the right direction, but at that precise moment in time, we could have been in the middle of nowhere!

I love the imagery in this photo…. The curve in the road, the mountains in the distance, the valley just ahead… and above it all, the sun still shining brightly through the clouds. When I looked at this picture, (which was completely unintentional) I was struck by just how perfectly it sums up the different facets of life…. The road ahead isn’t always clear where it is going… sometimes it leads to mountaintops, sometimes it leads us through deep valleys… but if we have faith, we can be confident that the sun will shine through, no matter how bleak our circumstances may be.

As we close the door on 2019 today, I am so grateful for all that God has done in my life this year. The road ahead has not always been clear and there have been some setbacks, but I have been obedient to the call and have taken several huge leaps of faith in sharing my story to bring this blog to fruition. I pray that it will continue to grow in the coming year to help others on their own journeys to forgiveness and healing.

Until recently I hadn’t thought about the fact that this is the beginning of a new decade. As I reflect back ten years to New Years Eve in 2009, I find it hard to even recognise the person I was then compared to the woman I am today. If someone had told me in 2009 what my life would look like in 2019, I probably would have laughed at them, such is the contrast. But, I shouldn’t be the same person I was ten years ago… and neither should you. We should all be continually striving to grow and become the people God created us to be. Life is rarely straight forward and we must navigate the curves in the road with the help of our guide – the Holy Spirit.

On this last day of the year 2019, whether your road was curved or straight, I hope that you can look back on your year and find something good in it, I pray that in 2020 God will give you the desires of your heart, and I pray that you will step further into what God is calling you to do, that you will find the boldness and courage to step out of your comfort zone and become all that you are meant to be.

Thank you to each of you for supporting my baby steps this year, I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I look forward with anticipation and hope that God will achieve all He wants to, in us and through us. And I look forward to interacting more in 2020…  for us all to share the goodness of God in all our lives to encourage and support each other.

God Bless you… and Happy New Year!!

I love Christmas. I’ve always loved Christmas. One of my favourite things about this time of year is putting up the Christmas tree. My kids are both now in their 30’s but every year I still hang the macaroni ornaments they made in Primary School.

James and I had our first Christmas as a married couple in 2012. It was his ex-wife’s year to have their children, so we were celebrating with just the two of us. When it came time to put up the tree, we realised that having just combined two households, we now had two Christmas trees and that meant we had to make a decision…. His… Or mine… We couldn’t decide… so we did both. His tree was new as he had been left without one, mine was the one I had had for many years. They were both significant in their own way.

It wasn’t until people started commenting on our two trees that I realised we had done something quite different. And I liked it. So, the next year when it came time to put up the tree, up they both went, and our annual tradition of two trees was born. A few years later when we decided to buy a new tree that was “ours”, I couldn’t let go of our tradition, so we bought two new trees!

Why is this a thing?

Well, for one, it was part of our ‘new beginning’. This is something that is unique to us. It is a symbol of our beautiful love story. It is part of our “Beauty from Ashes” Isaiah 61:3 “To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for His own glory” … I love this version that says, ‘festive praise instead of despair’. Our first respective Christmas’s in 2010 were heartbreakingly lonely and full of despair. There was no ‘festive praise’ that year. We were both still relatively newly separated from our previous spouses, and still reeling from the shock of betrayal that we had both suffered. We didn’t know then what we know now…. That God already had a plan for us…. That we would together one day become the ‘great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory’. That our mourning would one day be over, and the blessing would come.

 And, two, it is a great story to tell! I love it when people come into our home and ask why we have two trees. I love sharing our story of redemption and restoration.

Our two trees are a beautiful reminder of our faithfulness to God and of His faithfulness to us, and every year when I put them up, I can’t help but be thankful for His goodness in our lives. Our two Christmas trees are a symbol that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

“Be still, and know that I am God” …. These words have been running around in my head for weeks. But what does this sentence actually mean?

I have always looked at this verse in relation to being busy, but if you look at the whole of Psalm 46 in context, I think it’s much more than that. This psalm speaks of wars, desolation, uproar and natural destruction… not your average words to describe just being busy! I don’t think Psalm 46:10 is a polite suggestion…. I think it is a battle cry. I think it is a command for us to know that God is in charge and He will be glorified in all circumstances… Come and see the works of the Lord (vs 8)

 I think the placement of the comma in this verse speaks volumes. In language when you read a sentence, the comma indicates a pause. In this verse there is a pause after the words Be still. I believe that here the Psalmist is saying above all else, Be Still. Amidst everything that is going on around you, Be Still. In the turmoil, Be Still.

One of my favourite things to do is to sit on the sun lounge on my deck overlooking the backyard. It is here that I can escape the ‘white noise’ of life and just focus on the chirping of the birds and the sun on my face. This is a place where I can “Be still”. I think sometimes we get so busy trying to ‘do’ that we forget to ‘be’. We might not be in a literal war, but we are in a constant battle for our time, our energy and our resources… and let’s not forget the spiritual battle that is being waged against us every day. We strive to do it all in our own strength, but God is saying just Be Still…. Trust Me. “I WILL be exalted among the nations; I WILL be exalted in the earth.” (Capital emphasis mine)

In verses 2 – 5 we see a beautiful contrasting picture of Gods power and mercy. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging… There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her; she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

I take such encouragement from these two verses. I am a visual person and I love being beside the water, in any form, so the images of the contrasting stormy sea and the calm river conjure up beautiful relatable pictures for me. But in reality I often get stuck at the ‘roaring waters’ and forget to sit in the quiet of the calm river. I love verse 5 in the ESV version when it says “she shall not be moved; God will help her when the morning dawns.” I love this verse because when you have a firm foundation, you will not be moved, despite your circumstances.

What area in your life do you need to “be still” in today? Trust Him. God is in the midst of your circumstance and He will help you when the morning dawns….

Our local water company has recently been replacing the old sewer pipes in our street. Our front yard and driveway were dug up to reveal the pipes in a huge gaping hole which stayed like that for many days. One evening as we were inspecting this hole (with our neighbour), I was horrified to see that the plumbers had neglected to reconnect the sewerage pipes after their day’s work… meaning that everyone in the affected area  had all their ‘business’ on display for anyone to see as they went past! A phone call to the water company was quickly made to rectify the problem!

I was embarrassed (to say the least) about this oversight… embarrassed and upset because everyone could see stuff that I didn’t want them to see… Sound familiar?

We all have ‘sewerage’ in our lives that we want to keep safely hidden away from prying eyes. We don’t want others to see the unpleasant things that sometimes come out into the open but, like my sewerage pipes, sometimes things are brought out into the open for a reason…. they need to be fixed. We can’t deal with our stuff until we are honest enough to bring it out into the open for the healing work of restoration to begin.

Many years ago when I first shared my story, I was very apprehensive about what people would think of me. I didn’t want all my past mess on display for the entire world to see! But what I didn’t understand at the time was that my mess would become a message of hope for so many people. God is not like the plumbers in my street… He does not accidentally leave things unfinished. God knows exactly when, where, why and to whom we need to reveal things… I am constantly amazed at His perfect positioning and timing. And I am also constantly amazed at the people He puts in my path, and me in theirs to encourage, inspire and support each other.

And, I am pleased to say our sewerage pipes are now fixed, and the hole is covered in 🙂

John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. If there is something in your life that you know God wants to bring out into the open so that it can be fixed, please let Him. We can only ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit for so long before things spill out in an ugly mess anyway. Being in bondage to something because you’re afraid of what it might look like if it comes out is a horrible place to be. Trust me; I spent many long years there, so I know! But, I also know that when you let the light of God’s love shine into your situation, no matter how dark it seems, He is able to bring healing, restoration and redemption like you never imagined. Why don’t you try it, you might just surprise yourself! Ephesians 3:20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

My blogs seem to have a bit of a plant theme lately…. but hey, it is spring after all!

If you read my previous blog post you would know that I keep a lot of plants in pots, because I’m waiting for gardens to put them in. One of these plants is a Jacaranda tree. I love Jacaranda’s. I think the purple carpet they create in spring time is such a beautiful testimony of our creative God. I believe He loves to give us beautiful things to enjoy.

But, back to my Jacaranda, which is currently in a pot. I faithfully water my plants in their pots at least once a week, depending on how hot it is. But all of a sudden my husband recently started to water them as well. This took me by surprise as it’s not normally his thing but I thought well, if he wants to do it, I’m not going to stop him! The trouble was though, I thought he was taking care of them so I stopped being so diligent… and then he forgot… so it ended up that nobody was watering anything!

I only noticed this when I realised that my plants in their pots were beginning to wither and go brown! Ooops….

My points to take away from this experience…

1. Don’t assume someone else is taking care of things. We are all responsible for the things we have been given to take care of, whether that be plants, people, animals, things… or ourselves. Ephesians 4:16 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love. Just because it looks like someone else is taking care of things, you can’t safely assume that they are. I am reminded of the story about Everybody, Anybody, Somebody and Nobody… I don’t know the source but it’s an interesting observation… Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
2. Don’t ever give up on something that looks dead. My Jacaranda tree looked dead, its leaves were brown and withered but I watered it anyway and it started to grow new green shoots. If you are believing for something to come back to life… A dream, a relationship, lost family members… don’t give up. God knows the desires of your heart and He hears your prayers. Habakkuk 3:17-18 Though the fig tree should not blossom, and there be no fruit on the vines. Though the yield of the olive should fail, and the fields produce no food. Though the flock should be cut off from the fold, and there be no cattle in the stalls…Yet I will exalt in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
3. Stay soft, don’t harden your heart and become bitter.  Isaiah 42:3 A bruised reed He will not break, and a smouldering wick He will not snuff out. In faithfulness He will bring forth justice. The dead branches on my Jacaranda tree were hard and brittle. The new shoots are soft and pliable. In your discouragement, don’t become brittle but stay soft and pliable so that God can do what only He can do in your circumstance.
4. When the going gets tough, sink your roots deep. The pot my Jacaranda is in sits in another bucket to catch the water. The roots of the Jacaranda have started to come out of the pot towards the source of water in the bucket. Colossians 2:7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

What is in your pot that you are believing for today? Please let me know so I can believe with you and pray for you.

vikki@redeemed.net.au

A couple of months ago I planted some bulbs in my front garden, daffodils and irises, and recently they started to flower. “So what?” I hear you ask. Well… for some people gardens and flowers are everyday occurrences not worthy of any fanfare, but for me having flowers in my garden is a monumental occasion.

You see, we have been renovating our house and until very recently had not had a front garden. I had kept these bulbs in pots on my front deck for many years, waiting for the time I could plant them; the daffodils had flowered in their pot once…. the iris had never flowered at all and both were quite stagnant in their growth. I had persisted in keeping them alive in an environment where obviously they could never flourish but it wasn’t until I put them in the garden where they belonged that they began to become what they were always created to be. They blossomed. They grew and they thrived because they were where they were meant to be and they were in a healthy environment which enabled them to bloom.

It is the same with us. I was in my early forties when I was taken out of my ‘pot’ and planted in a garden where I could blossom and flourish. Someone had put me in a figurative pot when I was a little girl and I had been kept in my pot by various situations, people and circumstances for most of my life. I had been ruled by other people’s opinions and actions towards me and I believed I was unworthy of anything else, until one day God reached down from Heaven and literally uprooted me. He showed me very clearly that staying in my pot was keeping me from being the person He created, and wanted, me to be. And, just like re-potting a pot plant… it was messy. I had to deal with things and acknowledge things about myself that I didn’t particularly like. And I had to ‘unlearn’ so many things that I had believed all my life about love, sex, relationships… and my identity.

Our Heavenly Father is so faithful and merciful. He never lets us stay in our pots but will gently (or not so gently in my case!) bring us to completion in Him. Philippians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. When we give our lives to Jesus, the work begins in our life but we also need to be willing to take the journey of refining and healing so that the work can be completed. It’s not easy, and like my re-potting, it can be messy.

The process of refining is not supposed to be easy, but it is worth it. The caterpillar has to go through a process of metamorphosis before it turns into a butterfly and if it doesn’t go through the process fully, it won’t be able to fly because its wings aren’t strong enough. The butterfly needs to struggle a bit before it can fully become all it was created to be but it goes through the process because that is exactly what it was created to do.

Are you struggling? Are you wondering why you’re here? Do you feel like you can never be used because you’re too much of a mess? Well, wonder no more. You are here because you have a loving creator God who put you here for this exact time and place. He loves you and desires for you to become everything He created you to be. If you’re not sure, just ask Him. If you need to go through the refining fire, let it happen… I can guarantee you that you will come out the other side better than when you went in.

1 Peter 1:6-7 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.

I recently went on a holiday…. and I gained 3 kilo’s! There is a whole “fitness and health” industry to tell me how to lose the extra kilo’s I gained on my holiday, but there is also a weight we carry that is not physical and possibly harder to get rid of.

The weight I’m talking about is the emotional weight…. the baggage we carry in our souls. Hurt, disappointment, betrayal, regret, bitterness…. the list goes on.

I was listening to a podcast recently and the guy was talking about lifting your hands in worship, and he said “you can’t lift your hands in worship if you are holding on to stuff.” This is so true.

We can go through life carrying baggage from every big or small thing that has ever been done to us, and unless we deal with it and let it go, it will continue to hold us back from achieving everything we were created to be. All our God given dreams and desires get blocked and stifled because we hang on to our need for justice, the need for revenge. The need for someone to acknowledge our pain. But, the truth is that you will probably never get justice or revenge… or the other person to acknowledge your pain. I heard someone say once that “holding bitterness and unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” We can hold on to our pain, but it will make no difference to the person who hurt us… the only person we will ever impact is ourselves.

Have you ever seen someone struggling through an airport with their suitcase, their laptop, their hand luggage and a backpack? It’s not easy to successfully manoeuvre that much stuff! The burden doesn’t get lifted until they check some of their baggage at the check in counter and are left with only what they need to take on the plane.

It’s the same with us. We need to check our excess baggage at the ‘check in counter’… the foot of the cross. Jesus died so that we could live an abundant life, free from unnecessary baggage.  John 10:10 NIV The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. We have an enemy who wants to keep us bound to the chains of our past. But we don’t have to live in that place of bondage. It’s unproductive and it’s unhealthy. The other thing about excess baggage at the airport is that it comes with a cost. You have to pay for it. Holding on to your emotional excess baggage also comes with a cost…. a hefty cost… to your health and relationships. Is it worth it?

God’s mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23) which means that every morning we can choose to have a clean slate with which to start our day. 1 Peter 5:7 NLT Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. We have a place where we can leave our hurts and pain. God loves you and desires for you to live a life of fullness in Him, but He has also given us free will. We can hang on to our stuff, or we can give it to Him. The choice is completely ours. I know which choice I would rather make.

What baggage do you need to get rid of today?