Family – Redeemed

November 1, 2022

Faith, Family, Friends… and Fairy Bread

I love homewares and I recently bought myself a gift of three wooden blocks with the words FAITH, FAMILY and FRIENDS printed on them. When I looked at them in the shop, they were stacked on top of each other in the order of Friends, Family, Faith. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but it grabbed my attention and I immediately thought… that’s not right!

When I got them home, I displayed them on my table in what I believe is the correct order. Faith, Family, Friends.

Why is this important to me?

#1 FAITH: Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Seek first the kingdom of God. First. Before everything else. My faith is the pillar on which everything else stands. Without faith I can’t do anything. Without faith I would never step out and take a chance. John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. Without faith, I have nothing to put my hope in.

Faith is the bedrock of every decision you will ever make. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Whether you’re a believer or not you still exercise faith with every risk you take. You wouldn’t jump out of a plane without expecting your parachute to open. You wouldn’t marry someone without thinking it was going to last a lifetime. I’m sure you can think of other examples, but the point is this, faith is what underpins everything else in life. And for a follower of Jesus, it is the very foundation of everything we believe in.

#2 FAMILY: After our relationship with God, our second most important relationship is with our family. The family unit is pivotal to society, which is why it so often comes under attack. It breaks my heart to see estrangement in families. To see prodigals walk away. To see infidelity and divorce. I’m sure it breaks Gods heart too. After all He is the one who designed family. Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” The NLT version uses the words ‘just right’ instead of suitable. I love that. We were created just right for each other. The perfect fit. Unfortunately, though, we all know how that story ended, and sadly it’s no different today. People make mistakes and mess up. But Jesus came to restore that brokenness. We can’t do it on our own. Just as we trust Him with every other decision, we must also trust Him with our families. You won’t always see eye to eye with each other, but this side of Heaven they are all you’ve got. So, nurture, love and protect your family relationships.

Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Tragically there are times where you have no choice but to remove yourself from a bad relationship. The sin that distorted the very first family relationship way back in Genesis is still prevalent today. That’s why I love this verse from Romans. It is up to us to try to restore and maintain peaceful relationships. However, sometimes even though you’ve done everything you can, it is still unavoidable that you will have to forgive the person and walk away.

I love my family and I would do anything for them. But sometimes they frustrate me no end! I just need to remember they’re not perfect… and neither am I. As hard as it is to admit sometimes, I’m actually not always right! That’s where grace, compassion and forgiveness come in. They need it from me, and I definitely need it from them!

#3 FRIENDS: After family comes friends. Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. A good friend once gave me a fridge magnet that says, ‘Truly great friends are hard to find… difficult to leave… and impossible to forget.’ A great friend is indeed a rare find. Great friends are the ones who have your back, no matter what. Great friends are the ones who will tell you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not. Great friends will also ask you to tell them the truth, even if they don’t want to hear it. Great friends will never betray your trust. Although even the greatest of friend will inevitably disappoint you or let you down. It’s human nature, we’re all flawed!

As an introvert, I don’t have a lot of great friends. I have many acquaintances and some good friends, but the category of great friend is reserved for a very few. And I’m okay with that. I don’t need a lot of people around. In fact, I need to withdraw and recharge after being with too many people, I get ‘peopled out’ very quickly. I still love my friends I just don’t need to be with them all the time. I can hear my extrovert friends horrified gasps!

Sometimes friends can be family. Sometimes family can be friends. You would be truly blessed to have the pleasure of both.

Faith, Family and Friends. Three of the most important things we need to enjoy this thing we call life. I believe if we prioritise them in their correct order, putting God first and everything else in its proper place, then the journey will be a lot more pleasant and much easier to navigate.

And the fairy bread? That is just a little reminder to not take yourself so seriously!

I had a birthday recently and celebrated with a family dinner of party pies, sausage rolls and cocktail franks. All the good stuff. I also made a plate of fairy bread and posted some photos on Facebook. Do you know the one thing that got the most comments? My plate of fairy bread. It obviously brought memories and happiness to a lot of people. Fairy bread is fun, it’s simple and it brings joy. What’s not to love?

Life is hard, sometimes it can hurt, and we forget to have fun and enjoy the journey. Maybe we all just need a plate of fairy bread once in a while to put everything back into perspective.

January 15, 2022

Until death do us part

My mother-in-law passed away at the end of 2021.

I never knew her. I mean, I knew who she was, but I never knew her.

My mother-in-law had dementia and by the time I came on the scene after James’ first marriage had ended, the damage to her cognition was already evident. She never had a clue who I was. In fact, the first time I met her she asked me where I lived. When I told her she replied with “Oh, James and (ex wife) live there.” And to rub salt into the wound, she still had their wedding photo on display in the living room. Not the best start to meeting the prospective in-laws!

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

How many of us think about what we’re promising when we get married? I mean, really think about it. I’m sure most of us if we’re honest wouldn’t really be contemplating the worst-case scenario where we would ever have to put these words into action. Our wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives. We don’t want to spoil it by giving thought to inconceivable ‘what if’s’.

But what happens when the ‘what if’s’ get called into account? When the bubble bursts and you’re faced with the stark reality of your promise?

My father-in-law cared for my mother-in-law in their home until two weeks before she died. And even then, she only went into hospital for an unrelated event. For over a decade he cared for her at home as her health got progressively worse. My father-in-law took his marriage vows seriously. She passed away just days after their 58^th wedding anniversary. His diligence in caring for his wife, the tenderness in the way he treated her, the sacrifices he had to make, the toll it took on his own body. This is what unconditional love looks like.

Not giving up and walking away because things got hard. Selflessly sacrificing his comfortable life when it would have been so much easier to put her in care. This is what true love in action looks like.

This is what until death do us part looks like.

I don’t say it lightly when I say my father-in-law is a hero.

He would scoff at that. You will never meet a more unassuming and humble man.

I’m sad I never got the chance to know my mother-in-law. I would have loved the opportunity to have had a relationship with her. The eulogies shared at her funeral spoke of a warm, loving, smart and funny woman who clearly was the centre of her husband and sons’ worlds.

Because she had a faith, we take comfort in the fact that she is now with Jesus. She is free from her pain, and we will see her again. I look forward to introducing myself properly!

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. Revelation 21:4

December 6, 2020February 6, 2021

Christmas Trees

Regular readers of my blog would know how much I love Christmas. Last year I shared the story about why James and I have two Christmas trees, if you missed it you can read it here: The Tale of Two Trees… – Redeemed

One of our trees is a white tree that I decorate with colour co-ordinated baubles in my favourite colours of purple, blue, teal and pink. The other tree is a traditional green tree which is decorated with a lifetime of memories… they are both beautiful in their own way.

Neither tree is shop window perfectly decorated, I unfortunately don’t have that skill. But to me they are perfect because they are decorated with love and meaning. It usually takes me about a week to finish our trees… I do the ‘first draft’ and then sit back to see where the gaps are, how it looks in different light etc until I am happy with the final product!

Our white tree is a fun thing to do, and the second of our two trees. The other tree, the ‘main tree’ is more significant, because just about every ornament on this tree holds a memory….

It holds memories of my kid’s chubby little hands proudly bringing their macaroni ornaments home from school. Little hands that are now grown up hands with their own trees to decorate, but still those first ornaments (now in their third decade!) hang proudly on my tree.

It promises new memories as the next generation of grandbabies become old enough to appreciate and make their own decorations to hang on Nana and Pa’s tree.

It brings back memories of special people, no longer with us to celebrate Christmas. My ex mother-in-law, my children’s Grandma, would buy them a new ornament every year to go on the tree. This is our third year without her here on earth and those ornaments have become more poignant as I remember the bond that she and I continued to share despite the fact that her son and I had divorced, a reminder that life and relationships can go on even when circumstances are less than ideal.

There are decorations that allow us to reminisce over memories of special places visited and times with treasured friends, seasons of discovery, exploration and joyful adventures.

And, it carries hope in memories of new beginnings. One of our ornaments a love heart I bought for James at Christmas in the first year we had been dating. He had a very forlorn tree as almost everything he had owned had been taken from him and he’d had to start again from scratch. This ornament is a precious keepsake from when our love was new and a reminder that there is always hope for the future, even when everything around you might be falling apart.

As I sit back and admire my tree, I can’t help but be so very grateful.

Grateful for family and friends, at home and around the world. Grateful for cherished times had with those who are no longer with us. And grateful for second chances and new beginnings. But most of all, I am grateful to my God who loved us so much that He sent His son as a baby on that very first Christmas and to the son, Jesus who willingly came and gave His life that we would have eternal life… and that is something worth remembering and celebrating!

May your 2020 Christmas season be one of love and happy memories. I’d love to hear your Christmas traditions… please feel free to comment!