Bruises

My dog Holly and I had a run in yesterday. She is very exuberant in showing her love and I unfortunately had my face in the wrong place at the wrong time and received a massive paw to the nose and mouth. It was completely accidental, but boy did it hurt!

This unintentional injury from Holly took me back to another place, another time and another injury to my face. One punch, two punches, three punches to the side of my face; only coming to an end when my young daughter who had silently entered the room with her brother cried “Dad, Stop!” It broke my heart that they had to witness what they saw. The pain I now had around my eyes and the side of my nose after my run in with Holly triggered a memory of the pain I had then when I received a beating because I had said or done something wrong. The black eye I tried in vain to cover up, the lies I had to tell my boss explaining why I could not come to work. The fear, the shame… the guilt. Oh, the guilt. Because clearly this was my fault…. People don’t go around behaving like this for no reason. Right?

So, after a very restless night, I woke this morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Every part of me ached, especially my head. Holly is a Golden Retriever, and her paws are huge, but I imagine the stirred-up memory was also very much contributing to my headache.

As I was getting ready to shower, thinking about this past event that had so unexpectedly reared its ugly head, the words came to me Lord, I forgive him. Where did that come from?! Didn’t I already forgive this stuff? Again, the words “Lord, I forgive him” only this time they came not from inside my head but out of my mouth.

After my shower as I was putting my make-up on, the mirror in front of me clearly showed my wounds from Holly. I remembered another moment of putting on make-up to try and cover the ugly black eye… Lord, I forgive him. I remembered the family and friends I no longer see because I wasn’t allowed to have contact with them… Lord, I forgive him. The pain he caused me and my children… Lord, I forgive him. The affair, the lies, the abuse, the manipulation that it was all my fault… Lord I forgive him.

One by one the memories came… and one by one the words Lord, I forgive him. By the end of it I felt like I had gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. I was physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally drained.

I had a group of ladies coming over in an hour and my first instinct was to cancel them. I looked hideous and I was tired. I just wanted to curl up in a corner and hide. Then it came… ‘Thankfulness’. “What?” It was a clear instruction from the Holy Spirit. Be thankful. ‘Put on a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness’.

“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.” ~ Isaiah 61:3 NLT

While I don’t believe God deliberately caused Holly’s paw to slap me in the face, I do believe He is using it for His purpose in extending my stretch and my growth. My attitude completely changed as I began to find things to be thankful for… and there are so many.

My past may bring up painful reminders from time to time, but nothing is wasted in God. He will use any and every circumstance for His glory and to bring us to the place where we can be fully, honestly and completely whole. I took one step closer to that place today… and I must be thankful that my dog so lovingly slapped me in the face!